I can text with my tongue
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
