I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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