It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
