i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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