ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize