you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
