my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
