So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im part way to drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
