I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize