Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
