Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is wine microwaveable?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
