I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
