I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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