I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
