From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize