I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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