my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
