I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
