I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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