Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
