Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
