i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I just put wine in my tea
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
