Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
