i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
