Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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