call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
