I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize