It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
