It's Friday. Sex?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
