Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize