The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
