ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
