there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
