can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
