Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
