John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
