Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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