How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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