I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
