I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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