I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
