i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
