id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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