what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
