the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
