Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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