If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
