Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
