hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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