So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
