she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
