you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
