she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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