my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
