Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
