Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
