Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
