Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am naked and annoyed.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
