zippers are such a cool invention
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
