pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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