I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
