I got chris browned last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
