I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
