a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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