Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
