I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
