I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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