jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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