i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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