the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
