It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
