My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You did what with his pubic hair?
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