how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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