there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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