I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
