I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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