Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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