And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize