i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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