well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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