i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
