Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize