I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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