I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
