no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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