apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When did angry sex become our thing?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
