triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
how drunk are you?
Several
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
