she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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