i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
