You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
