I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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