She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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