the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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