Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
