East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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