I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
