remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize