I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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