Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize